If not A, then B, or C, or D will Screw Me Over…
I put my wheelchair on the charger nightly. I was told to do that by the people from the mobility company. I got this wheelchair brand new (thanks to my insurance paying most of it, and the mobility company approving a hardship application for me to cover the balance) in late February of 2023. It is now early October 2023 and the batteries are already dying. For the past two nights, I have put it on the charger when I went upstairs to bed (I have another wheelchair upstairs) – and it charged (supposedly) overnight. I only used it to go back and forth from the kitchen to the living room (VERY small distance – my house is tiny) feeding the birds and then making breakfast for myself. After a cup of decaf, I went out through the garage (adjacent to the kitchen, so again, very close) to sit on my driveway for a bit, enjoying the cool, crisp Autumn weather. Then I came back inside and… the battery percentage had already dipped way down.
Excuse me, but WT actual F? This chair (and subsequently, this battery) are not even a year old yet!
*sigh*
It feels as though I have so many things plotting against me in this life at the moment, and as hard as I have been trying to CLAW my way out of some of it, making some little advances along the way (which I am grateful for)… just as I begin to have one or two positive things come about, suddenly about four or five more decide to pile on. It’s like no matter how hard I try, or WHAT I do… it isn’t going to be enough. It seems as if my life was destined to be one filled with pain, misery, isolation and loneliness, hopelessness, poverty, and… more pain.
People keep telling me not to think this way or it will be true. But… what if it’s already true? For the past several YEARS it has been this way. I have suffered indescribable physical pain due to my illness, the loss of any kind of “normal” life, the loss of the person closest to me in the world, and the shame and helplessness (and the subsequent gut-punching on my mental health) of not being able to pay for the very basic needs that I have (food, medication, utilities…) – having to beg both friends and strangers online for help. And things KEEP HAPPENING. Like this. It’s just ONE MORE THING.
I have an idea of how much these batteries cost, and it’s a LOT. I don’t have any money. So… I am once more in a position of not being able to go outdoors (the only place where I seem to get any actual respite for a few minutes) because I will not be able to trust that my wheelchair won’t die on me – rendering me stuck until I can find someone to come to my rescue.
It’s not fair, and it’s not right.
After the week I have had… I just can’t deal with anymore “stuff”. My brain has officially shut down. I am unable to work on anything. Not the TEFL studies (which I have LESS than a month to complete, and little hope of doing so). Not the designing of new tee shirt products. Not the designing of new notebooks, planners, etc…. Not the writing/blogging for the Spoonie site or for Medium. Not trying to research how the HELL to get myself out of this court mess with the creditors. Nothing. I am in a LOT of pain. The Wahls Protocol can only do so much, but, as the research has shown – stress stands to derail any and ALL work that I do on myself from a nutrition standpoint. It can (and will) undo all of my hard work. And there doesn’t seem to be a damned thing I can do about it.
I have a cockatiel in the next room literally SCREAMING at me because he wants some attention, and as much as I want to, I can’t even go to him because I am sitting in a wheelchair that cannot move, as it’s hooked up to a charger… yet again… trying to reclaim a tiny bit of power… which will apparently only last for about an hour before it dies again.
I’m just done. My spoon supply is permanently drained.