The Kindness of Strangers

When one finds oneself in the sort of predicament I’ve found myself in over the past several years, life can become truly… strange.

I don’t have much family left. None of the ones I do have left live anywhere near me and… I believe most forget I even exist if I’m honest. Since Dad died (and even before) there were rarely any visits, except for my oldest niece who, thankfully, came down to help me sort Dad’s things and clear some stuff away after he passed. I’m not saying this to be all “Oh woe is me…” or to have people pity me. That’s not my jam. I’m just stating my reality at this point in my life. Mainly because people always ask me “What about your family? Where are they? Why aren’t they helping?” My answer is always “They live far away…” or “I guess they aren’t able to…” The truth is that I am not expecting any help because everyone has their own lives and I’m not factored in there. It happens. I’m not unique in that situation. Many families sort of drift apart and don’t stay in touch or stay connected to one another. It is what it is.

In the absence of family, however, one is left relying on friends. In my case, I moved to this area in 2008, didn’t know anyone, really, and then moved away for a few years to the UK to pursue my studies in Shakespeare. Then when I moved back, Dad was getting sicker, and then I got sick. So I still don’t know loads of people around here. Not having grown up here like most of the folks around me makes it a bit tough. I do have a couple of friends and they are quite dear… but I have had to rely on them FAR too much, and it isn’t fair. I really just want them to be able to come over and just “be friends” and not caregivers… ya know? I also can’t be running to them for money every time I turn around – it isn’t fair, and they don’t have endless streams of cash they can fork over (nor would I ever expect them to). They have been TREMENDOUS help to me though, financially, emotionally, and otherwise, and I am so very grateful.

I have reached out to an endless array of county and state resources, government entities, you name it… I either haven’t qualified for help, or they want me to sign my home over to them (I WISH I were joking about that last one… in the state of Georgia, that is actually a thing. It’s disguised as something called a “Medicaid Waiver Program”… always read the fine print, folks!) In addition to signing over my home, they also wanted me to pay them about $300 a month – for someone to come in and do light housekeeping. I’m sorry, but my house will just have to be a bit on the dirty side. (I do try to spot clean and tidy after myself – hopefully, it isn’t THAT dirty!) But as for any sort of magical programs that help a person like me buy things they need like household supplies, provide transportation, or help me make my house and yard accessible – those programs do not exist. Many folks assume they do… but until they find themselves in a situation like this, they don’t uncover the truth… Those magical agencies and programs… they just don’t exist.

So then we are left with the “relying on the kindness of strangers” concept. And ya know what? Strangers can be super awesome!

It takes a lot for me to bare it all (soul-wise – get your minds out of the gutter, and EW!) on the internet… Every time I have to post to “beg” for help with money or with wishlist items (household supplies, etc…) my mental health takes a hit. A rather sharp blow – akin to someone punching me in the gut and knocking the wind out of me. It leaves me feeling defeated – often for days. But in my case, it’s a necessity. I would have struggled to have even my basic hygiene needs covered… like toilet paper… trash bin liners… toothpaste… deodorant… etc… if it had not been for the kindness of strangers! Being talked into setting up wishlists by friends, and then periodically promoting them on social media has helped me so much – especially in the past year and a half since my Dad died. So many people have stepped in to help! Now, a lot of them are folks that I do know – but they don’t live nearby, and this is a way they can help. It has been remarkable – and it renews one’s faith in the human spirit… it really does. The love I have been shown has been extraordinary.

But in the past few weeks, something else remarkable has happened.

I joined a Facebook group called “The Dull Women’s Group (Official)”. After reading some of the posts, I decided to post and introduce myself. I posted a sort of condensed version of my “story” and included a photo of my feet propped up in the wheelchair outdoors in the driveway, as well as a selfie from the same vantage point. I didn’t expect much interaction… maybe a few hellos and whatnot. However, what happened next was incredible. I had so many people comment – not only welcoming me, but many expressing solidarity for the health issues, for my love of David Bowie, for my mental health struggles, etc… many wanted to see photos of my birds (that I had mentioned) and NONE of the comments that I saw were judgemental or condescending in any way. I tried responding, but I think Facebook has gone completely off the rails with their AI thing automatically deleting posts that contain any words that they deem suspect (seriously… we’re going to need a list of those words, Zuckerberg! We aren’t mind readers!) – and I didn’t think I had even written anything untoward. There ended up being THOUSANDS of comments (I couldn’t believe it) and I couldn’t have answered them all.

Then over the few weeks after my post, I began to receive gifts from my Amazon wishlists in the mail. Nearly all of them were signed anonymously as being a fellow “Dull Woman”… in some manner or another. Some had first names, but all mentioned that they were in the Dull Women’s group. It turns out that people had gone onto my Facebook profile, found the link to my wishlist, and sent me items from it. Not just my basic “needs” wishlist, but also my “dreams” wishlist! I had multiple packages come through the post – anything from basic everyday needs to the fun and frivolous. I was absolutely blown away by it all. I couldn’t believe the love and support these total strangers were showing to me. It was so lovely and entirely unexpected. I had not posted any links in the group (it’s actually against the rules to do so, and I am a rule follower to a fault!) Yet… these people had taken the time out of their everyday lives to peruse a total stranger’s Facebook profile, find their wishlist page link, and then spend their own money on items to send this stranger… all out of selflessness and love. Nothing else. It doesn’t get much more pure and wholesome, does it?

So while I may not be able to write a proper thank you post on the Dull Women’s Group (for fear of typing all of those words and having them deleted) I will simply send a blanket (and deeply heartfelt) THANK YOU right here on my blog. I’ll post in the group (or try) and mention my blog, but I can’t link to this post, as links are not allowed. I hope those with the wherewithal to have found my wishlist page can maybe find my blog page as well. Fingers crossed.

I think it was Yeats who famously said “There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.” I don’t think a truer statement has ever been uttered. And I can genuinely say that I am proud and infinitely grateful to have such extraordinary friends – even if they are friends I haven’t actually met yet.